Mixed Media Top Secret Project

In a way I guess I’m violating the top secret nature of the project by talking about it here but it doesn’t matter it still won’t be easy to find. As part of what I’m starting to think of as my “Fever Awakening” I have embraced my desire to create. I’m working on a new project, something that I’m really enjoying and something that you’ll probably never see (and that’s all part of it).

I have always enjoyed film and you all know that I enjoy writing. Fewer of you probably know that I enjoy writing poetry. That’s because it’s not often that I publish poems, and with my focus on novel writing I have been creating fewer and fewer poems of late. I just didn’t see a point in it because I never shared them, I was too embarrassed to share them.

That’s something that I think most people don’t consider when looking at art, it takes a level of courage to share it. Art can be embarrassing, I’m actually embarrassed by my writing sometimes and when people tell me they read my books or my blog I cringe a little. I don’t know why, maybe it’s because I’m a very introverted person. Poetry for me is even harder to share because of this. So I stopped writing it. This level of embarrassment also pushed me away from film, something I loved doing as a teenager but stopped doing as I got older. Ironically I stopped my interest in film as it became easier and easier to get into with the rise of digital technology and platforms.

Then I had my “Fever Awakening” when I was sick with the flu. Standing on the subway to work I saw a perfect shot and was inspired to just go for it. There is no cost to me because with the amazing camera on my phone and some stuff I already had lying around I could dive right in. I’ve been busy creating ever since. This “Fever Awakening” has been a kind of “radical yes” in that I no longer say “no” to ideas and things I want to do and instead I just go for them. There is really nothing to lose for me, so it doesn’t make sense for me to put all these artificial limits on myself.


That is kind of what this project is about, doing something I had told myself “no” on for a long time. Doing something I want to do and creating / sharing art with no embarrassment. I haven’t felt this creatively free since I was a teenager writing poems for the newspaper to publish anonymously in the local art section. That is why part of the project is the obscurity of it, that’s why I most likely won’t share any of the videos here. That’s why I’m doing no promotional work for them, no tweeting or trying to get views. The obscurity of what I’m making is what keeps me free to create it.  The obscurity keeps it pure.

I was getting too caught up in the commercial nature of what I create artistically and that was messing with what I write. I had to think of an audience, and while I know that is part of art it’s not a good thing when that influences the creation of it. This project is a way for me to flex that side of my brain, scratch an artistic itch that I’ve let sit for far too long. I have to say that it feels good to make something like this again.

As much as I hate saying things like “2017 was a bad year” or “2018 is my year”, it really does feel like it’s off to a better start than last year. This “Fever Awakening” I had has really changed my outlook and let me just embrace what I want to embrace and leave all the negatives behind. I now have three mediums to express my creativity in and having that allows me to cope with everything a lot better.

apple in the woods

Best of luck finding my project out there on the internet. It’s buried deep on YouTube. All I ask is that if you do happen to find it and somehow realize that it’s me please don’t tell me.

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